"大型社會性死亡現場"到底是個什麼梗？
近兩年，“社會性死亡”這個詞漸漸風靡。它說的是當衆出醜以至於沒臉見人的狀況。
清華大學《清新時報》報道稱，豆瓣ID“@嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿”的用戶在小組發帖分享一件自己“社會性死亡”的事件。
微博#大型社會性死亡現場#話題下的“畢業後第一次參加公司聚餐”
樓主給畢業論文導師發了消息，收到了老師“之後見了再說”的回覆，心中納悶。回頭再一看，才發現自己的信息最後一句話是——“您是否有實力當我的畢業設計老師呢？”
而她本想打的，是“時間”。
尷尬事件或許是必然會發生的，但是隨之而來的巨量尷尬卻不會隨着事件的結束而消退，反而會不斷地在接下來的數年甚至數十年裡隨機浮上心頭，讓人痛苦“重溫”。
可能有些讀者光是看到本文這個標題就已經開始不由自主地回憶起尷尬瞬間了。
這些常見的尷尬，或許你也有過：
▌Secretly trying to take a picture of someone when the flash on your phone is on
▌Waving at someone who doesn’t see you
向某人揮手，結果他沒看見你
▌Trying to get your teachers’ attention in primary school by accidentally calling them mommy or daddy
小學的時候爲了引起老師的注意而把他們叫成了“爸爸”或者“媽媽”
▌Texting one of your friends about a certain person before sending it to that person by mistake
▌Going to open a door by pulling it when it clearly says “push”
想去拉開門，發現上面寫着“推”
▌Being out in public and tripping over some thing before trying to act casual as if it never happened
▌Bumping into someone as you leave the toilet with a really bad smell coming out of it.
▌Entering a lecture hall, sitting down, and taking out all of your stuff before finally looking up to realize you’re in the wrong class.
進入教室，坐下來，把上課用的東西全部拿出來，結果發現進錯了教室
▌Sitting in a quiet study room with your stomach sounding like it’s trying to digest a tractor engine.
坐在一個安靜的自習室裡，然後肚子餓得叫，像是它在消化一個拖拉機發動機一樣
▌Creeping on someone’s Wechat moments and accidentally liking a photo from three years ago.
偷偷翻閱某人的微信朋友圈，然後不小心給一張三年前的照片點了贊
▌Holding a handrail on a bus or train and touching someone else’s hand in the process.
▌Asking someone to repeat themselves before asking twice more, and when you still haven’t heard what they’ve said, you just have to reply with “yes” and hope for the best.
請某人重複說過的話，發現沒聽明白叫人再重複一次，結果還是沒聽清楚，就只能回覆“嗯”然後期望對話還能順利進行
▌Saying something to someone and your voice breaks weirdly like a 13-year-old going through puberty halfway through the sentence.
跟某人說話，結果嗓子像是一個13歲的正在經歷青春期變聲的小孩一樣，話說到一半就破音了。
作家Melissa Dahl花了數年時間研究“尷尬”，出版了書籍Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness (《令人尷尬：尷尬的理論》)。
起初，她發現自己每次疊衣服的時候都會想起十年前當實習生的時候被人笑話裙子在上完廁所之後塞到連體襪裡的尷尬瞬間。
In my apartment ten years later, I know I’m far away in space and time from this moment, and yet it still makes me wince. “How embarrassing,” I whisper, out loud, to no one.
十年後，我住在這間公寓裡，我知道無論是空間上還是時間上來說，我距離那個尷尬時刻已經很遠了，但是我還是會緊皺眉頭尷尬不已。周遭無人，我會大聲在心裡吼出來：“好尬啊！”
So many people I interviewed confess to reacting to old embarrassments in the same way. “You’re just sitting there, and your brain decides to throw it in your face for no reason,” one of my interviewees told me. “For me, if I’m alone, I just start shouting, ‘NO! No no no no no no no.’”
很多我採訪過的人都承認會有跟我一樣的面對過往尷尬的反應。有個受訪者跟我說：“你就是坐在那兒，然後你的腦子莫名其妙就決定要把這份尷尬扔你一臉。我自己的話，如果我是一個人待着，那我就會開始咆哮：‘不！不，不，不，不要’”。
經過採訪衆多有類似經歷的人和心理學家們，她給這種狀況起了個名字：cringe attack（尷尬侵襲）。
They’re the little humiliations from your past that come back unbidden, sometimes years after they first occurred.
這些過往的丟臉時刻就是會像不速之客一樣直接襲來，有時是發生後的很多年後。
這些記憶雖然很尷尬，卻不至於到了引起心理創傷的地步，可是爲什麼這些記憶總是隨機涌現呢？Mellisa 發現有三個原因。
❶ 有誘因
For one, even memories that seem out-of-the-blue may be in fact triggered by something in the environment. Maybe something about the T-shirts I was putting away that day reminded me of the feel of the jersey skirt.
一方面，即使是那些看似突如其來的記憶，實際上也可能是由環境中的某些東西觸發的。也許那天我收起來的T恤衫讓我想起了那條掖進褲襪裡的運動衫裙。
❷ 尷尬情形未能在當時解決
For another, think about how often your first response to someone who’s witnessed an embarrassing moment of yours is something like “This isn’t what it looks like” or “I can explain.” If you never actually get to make that explanation, the moment likely feels unresolved in your mind, and some researchers believe that interrupted moments stick with us longer than those that feel completed.
另一方面，想想你對目睹你尷尬時刻的人的第一反應經常是“噢不是你看到的那樣”或者“啊容我解釋一下”。如果你從來沒有機會解釋，那麼你的大腦就會覺得這個事兒還沒解決，而且有些研究人員認爲，被打斷了的時刻比那些感覺完成了的時刻更加會讓我們難以忘懷。
❸ 情感越濃，記憶越深
Your emotions dictate what your brain decides to hang on to. The stronger the feeling, the stronger the memory. For instance, being scolded even inadvertently can still lead to long-term feeling of awkwardness. Something excites your brain, which triggers the release of adrenaline, which in turn releases another substance called noradrenaline（去甲腎上腺素）, a neurotransmitter that then perks up the amygdala（杏仁體）.
你的情緒決定了你的大腦選擇記住什麼。情緒越強烈，記憶就越深刻。例如，即使有人不是故意罵你，你仍然會長時間感到尷尬。某件事刺激了你的大腦，觸發腎上腺素的釋放，而腎上腺素又會釋放出另一種叫做去甲腎上腺素的物質，這種物質是一種神經遞質，能使杏仁體活躍起來。
That’s a region of the brain which gets excited by emotional arousal. The amygdala then communicates with almost every other region of the brain, and it says, in effect, “Something important happened. Make a strong memory.”
杏仁體這個大腦區域會因情緒激動而興奮。它與大腦的幾乎其他所有區域進行交流，它實際上就是在說：“要緊的事兒發生了，給我記牢了！”
書籍作者同時也給出了兩個點子，或許可以幫助你減輕這種困擾。
第一個就是接納自己：
self-acceptance
自我接納。
Recognizing your former self for who you truly were, instead of trying to forget or fudge the details. And remind yourself that everyone’s embarrassed about something. When we arrive at this kind of self-awareness, then when we fail, it’s not ‘poor me,’ however, it’s ‘Well, everyone fails.’
認清以前的自己是個什麼人，不要試圖忘記或篡改事件細節。告訴自己：每個人都有各自尷尬的事情。有了這種意識，我們即使尷尬了，也不會可憐自己說：“啊我好倒黴”，而是會說：“哎，大家都有尷尬的時候”。
第二個就是不要把自己看得太重要：
self-indifference: the relief of realizing that you are simply not that big a deal
自我疏離：意識到自己並沒那麼重要從而感覺到解脫。
Self-indifference is essentially a synonym for humility. A little humility helps you keep your natural talents and honed skills in proper perspective: The fact that I’m able to string coherent sentences together as a professional writer isn’t valuable because of what it says about me. What matters is what I do with that ability.
自我疏離本質上是謙卑的同義詞。謙虛一點可以幫你理性客觀地看待自身的才華和磨練出的技能。比方說，我作爲一個職業作家，我能夠寫出連貫的句子，這個技能本身並不重要，它無法給我貼金，重要的是我用這個能力創造了什麼。
最困擾你的尷尬事件是什麼呢？分享出來或許就不那麼尷尬了。
Notes
trip v 絆；絆倒
tractor n 拖拉機
cringe v 感到尷尬不安；畏縮
wince v 皺眉蹙額
unbidden adj 未經要求；未被邀請；擅自
out of the blue 出乎意料；突然；晴天霹靂
perk up（使）振奮，活躍，快活
in effect 實際上；事實上
fudge v 僞造或歪曲；逃避（某事）；迴避